Member-only story
Why is the Need To Fit in So Strong?
Writing is a solitary activity but it also depends on others to feel whole.
This morning, I asked myself why I have such a strong need to fit in with certain groups. For a long time — over two years — I’ve belonged to an online poetry group. During that time, there was only a very short period when I felt like I fit in. I feel bad writing this, but it seems like a closed group that churns by itself and is kept alive by a small group of key members, who mainly support each other, and not others — like me — who try to fit in. As my son put it, it’s a circle jerk. I think of it as a good ol’ boys' system that I keep trying to break into and fail over and over again.
I’ve tried several different things to gain more favor among group members. I’ve tried posting early to the forum, posting late, making genuine and complimentary comments on those that I read, commenting first instead of after I get a comment, and more — but I still do not feel included in this group.
I think I’m done. I’ve tried. I guess I just don’t fit. I wish I knew why. Most of all, I wish it didn’t bother me. But it does.
I try to objectively ask myself if it’s my poetry. Is it that bad? I don’t think so.
